Seventy Seven

Little Ryan can have a Big attitude when she wants to!

What a big girl

"Mom- I am doing just fine sitting here without you!"

Ryan asleep on Kari

Ryan's Great Aunt Tris came to visit from Colorado

Drooling like crazy- getting teeth is messy!

Who needs a paci when you got a fist! (always the left one)

Soaking up our last day of maternity leave together

She is by far the BEST thing I have ever done

So, this is a tough blog for me to do-but I want to do it. So, lets hope my tears don't ruin Chris' laptop. The past 77 days have been the best of my life. Although my maternity leave feels like it has flown by, I can't believe I have only had Ryan in my life for 77 days. During the best 77 days of my life we have had a few sad ones as well. Day 1 of Ryan's life was bittersweet- I didn't get to hold her until 5 hours after she was born. Day 4 wasn't a walk in the park either- that was the day I felt the worst after my C section. Day 25 was a little tough- Chris went back to work. Day 33 hurt my heart- I had to leave Ryan and fly out of town for my Granny's funeral. Day 44 tears were shed (both Ry and I)- her first round of shots. Day 73 was rough too- Ryan had her first fever and wasn't herself. But nothing is going to compare to Day 78- I have to leave Ryan and go back to work. Day 78 will be the first morning she will wake up and I won't be there. I won't get to see that smile and play our games. She will be fine. She will be waking up to her Mamaw and Grandpa. The question is- will I be alright? Day 78 is going to be the hardest day of my life. Lets all say a prayer that Day 79 will be a little bit easier, and each day after that.

I would not trade the past 77 days in for anything. I am so glad I took all that time to be with her. And the good news is that Ryan won't have to go to daycare- she will be with her dad and grandparents while I am at work. What a gift that is.

Because this blog is ultimately for Ryan to read when she is older I am including a letter to her from me.

Sweet Ryan,

Mommy has to leave you tomorrow, and it is killing her. I love you with all my heart and hate to think about being away from you for one hour, let alone 40 hours a week. But you will be in great hands - with your daddy and grandparents and I will rush home to be with you. I am sorry that I will not be there in the morning to love on you when you wake up. I know that is our special time together. I will be thinking of you all day and be counting down the minutes until I get to come home. Although I do love my job, you will always be my priority. If it interferes with my most important job- being your mom - I will make changes until we are both happy. Lets just give it a shot and see how it goes. I am gonna take it one day at a time. Thanks for understanding and being such a good girl. I love you baby girl. XOXO

Love,

Mommy