Contrary

That is what Dad calls Ryan's behavior lately.  Other descriptive words that pop into my mind are: difficult, argumentative, beat down.......  She is definitely testing boundaries and encouraging me to drink.  If I ask Ryan not to do something she immediately says she wants to do it.  She seems to be most "contrary" at bedtime.  For instance, I will say "Ryan, please don't yell you will wake up Emma."  Ryan will reply (yelling) "I want to yell.  I want to wake up Emma". Wow. She has also been having a harder time falling asleep at night.  Dad thinks this may all be from "paci withdrawal" as he termed it.  Although Ryan never asks for her paci and seemed to have dropped it cold turkey (minus the first night), she may be subconsciously missing it or feeling uneasy.  She seems to be more restless at bedtime and asking for a  million different things to stall and keep us coming back into her room.  She hasn't been creeping as much as she has been demanding. This is a short example of the list of requests/demands at bedtime after we read books. 

Can I have a chockie?

I need to tinkle.

Can you turn my music on?

Hold me for one more minute.

Can you make my light purple?

I want water. No, I want it in the green cup.

Can I have my Cinderella ballerina Barbie? Not that Cinderella Barbie, the Cinderella ballerina Barbie.

I need to push mud out.

I need chockie.

I need to tinkle.

Will you hold me for one more minute?

Can I have a piece of blueberry brown toast?

I need to push mud out.

This can go on for quite some time.  If the tired parent is willing to participate.  I get pretty sick of this game after about the third request.  The only problem is that when she asks to tinkle or push mud out, she usually really has to.  She has actually gotten up and pooped three times before bed!  So, I don't want to ignore that request.  The requests for different beverages in particular colored cups are the demands that I lose patience with quickly. The bad part is that once I quit playing the role as bedtime servant Ryan freaks out!.  She will scream, kick the wall throw her pillows off of her bed.  If I shut her door she will kick it, or open it and come into the hall and scream louder.  It seems that the stalling and behavior problems are always the worst on C shifts when I am home alone. Figures.  Last week I actually had to call Chris at 11 pm at the fire station after 3 hours of battling Ryan to get him to come home and help me. He came home and got her to sleep while I laid in bed and cried.  It was one of my  worst nights of motherhood.  I felt so defeated and  like a total failure.  I didn't know what to do.  I had spanked her, yelled at her and even tried to escape her!  I couldn't though because she just followed me screaming at me.  It was a very bad night.  Thankfully, Chris saved us both!  He has a way with her that I do not.  He stays much more calm and she seems to not enjoy torturing him like she does me.  I am told by my parents and Chris that it is because Ryan and I are just alike.  A lot of it is a power struggle between us.  She is definitely a fighter and puts up a good fight.  (I need to remember to apologize to my mom again for all of the door kicking I put her through!) 

 Looking back on that night I can smile now.  And, she did do a couple of funny things in the midst of our power struggle.  At one point she was yelling for Bunny.  It sounded like she had lost him in her bed.  I am just as attached to her relationship with Bunny as she is to Bunny, so I went back into her room to help her find him.  She was sitting on the edge of her bed crying for him. I looked all through her sheets, then on the floor and couldn't find him anywhere.  I turned on her light to look again and suddenly Ryan stopped crying.  She said "I have an idea. I think I know where Bunny is!"  She climbed down from her bed and ran over to her kitchen, opened up the oven and what do you know?!  There was Bunny! I wonder how he ended up there!?! Can you say manipulator?!? It's funny now, and honestly I think I laughed (under my breath) that night too. She is smart.  And contrary.  I guess this may be why three may be more challenging than two?

After my night from hell I took Ryan to buy her some Dora panties.  Yes, she has recently discovered Dora. Sigh.  She loves her new Dora panties and we have used them as incentive for good behavior at bedtime.  Ryan knows that if she acts ugly we will take away her Dora panties.  This ultimatum seems to be working, or at least helping a little.  Once we remind her that if she doesn't stop crying/yelling we will take all her Dora panties away she will usually calm down and beg you not to take them away.  Then she asks to sleep with all 7 pairs, to make sure we don't sneak in and take them away. What a little toot!

The past few nights have been better.  She has been stalling a little bit but not freaking out and crying.  (Tonight is a C shift, I really hope I am not jinxing myself!).  I have taken a different route when reacting to her behavior.  Since I know that she will be "contrary" I have started agreeing with whatever she says.  This takes the 'fun' out of arguing and she usually drops whatever bad behavior I am not begging her to stop displaying.  I guess it's just not as fun to kick a door when your mom tells you to kick it harder or completely ignores you..  It seems to work. I was also humbled at church this past Sunday.  Chris and I both got the privilege of teaching Sunday School. Chris got to teach the 3 year old class and I got to teach the kindergarten autistic/behavior problem class.  I absolutely LOVED it!  It was much more challenging than any other class I have taught, but so rewarding. It also helped me put things into perspective.  I love how God has a way of doing that.  I am so thankful to be Ryan's mom.  All of the trials and challenges are worth it to get to experience all of the joy she brings me.  

Sweet Munch snuggling Bunny under her flower blanket.
Man, I love this kid.